Discovering The New Me

Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for previously following me and keeping up with the fitness front! Its been nearly THREE years since I have posted! Can you believe it? No I have NOT fallin off the face of the earth, although, sometimes I wish I could! So lets get to it... Three years in a nutshell...and GO!

The move to the larger space close to the family, a total success! Not only did I get into a larger space but I pursued my college education along the way. All the while, I found myself in different situations which MADE me instead of breaking me! Let me tell you...some of those things really tried to break me! My first ever baby, my Chihuahua Armani ran away never to be seen again, after ten years of life with me. I truly believe he went off to die... :'(  To this day we will never know. My second ever baby, my Boston Terrier, had to be put down at 10 years old... January 15th, 2015. Yes, I took his passing very hard. He was there for me during my darkest hours post divorce and losing him nearly did me in. Of course my four amazing beautiful children who I love so much, yet drive me nuts, but who I love so much, gave me the strength I never thought I could muster. They truly are my reason for living!

Ummmm lets see... I dipped my toes in the dating pool from 2014 (post divorce) to fall of 2015. THEN this unexpected thing happened! Ready? OK! So I previously dated a few guys (nothing serious) and one of those led me to a complete LIFE changing man! This guy and I saw each other off and on for about a year. I kind of "had that feeling" he wasn't long term quality. (I should have listened) But to my surprise he played a key role in leading me to some very important events! I met my long term "Honey" at a mutual get together pretty early on the summer of 2015 while I was seeing this one guy. SOOOOO skipping over the boring part... me  and the guy didn't work out for obvious reasons blah blah blah... Then out of the blue I get a message from my long term honey who I had met months ago and never thought in a million years that brief introduction would be the start of something big and new! So fast forward to August 2015...me and Honey chat long distance till October 2015 when we have discovered this spark we never knew existed! HELLO! So he moves back to Oklahoma Halloween that year and we begin the official relationship that is Current!

He took well to the kids, they took well to him...and we fell into this thing called L.O.V.E! Right! While he was working... and I was working... and I was also working toward a degree... this eensy weensy eviction notice came! NOT REALLY... but to sum it up the owner of the house was MOVING back whether we were ready or not! So I decided to look into buying, you know four kids and all! Then Honey and I decided HEY lets do this! So we started looking together! It was ALL in my doing, BUT we snagged up a deal and I closed on a house... for ALL of us,  Honey, four kids, and myself! I close, we move in, and a month later.... I'M LATE! WHAT! Yes folks, the one here who adopted 4 kids and was done having children is now expecting! *Crickets* Turns out I can have kids.... and girrrrrl... we are having a baby! Two positive pregnancy tests, confirmed blood work, and a successful little sonogram at 9 weeks, yes sireeee we are having a baby! So you know I decide, this school is too stressful to be working, raising 4 kids, and being pregnant first time!

SO lets scrap one thing....school! Ok, schools on HOLD now; continue working my hind end off and make THAT money! Eight months later...the greatest pregnancy one could ask for, more swelling and water retention than one likes... she's coming! Yes, that's right, I said SHE...another SHE! That makes 4 shes and one he! (all together not in utero) So I scramble to get my new house set up as follows: 2 older girls in one room, 2 younger girls one room (the 2nd younger girl being new babys room), and one boy in his own room! 2+2+1= 5. Yes Folks, I am now mommy to FIVE! CLAUDE HAVE MERCY! So, cheeks is born via C-Section and lots of recover time to follow! Seven weeks later (1 week before returning to work & lots of crunching and discussion) I turn in my resignation to be a what??? Stay At Home Mom! Yup, that is what I DO now, stay at home and raise five kids: a soon to be 7 year old, 8 year old, 9 year old, 11 year old, and NOW an infant! Honey has been SO stinkin supportive of everything, my pregnancy, my delivery, and now...everything! I just couldn't have asked for a better man to be by my side during it all- especially in the OR for the C-Section! He made me feel so supported in my absolute most vulnerable time of my life! Let me just say, I really enjoyed every single bit of the aches, pains, emotions, and love of pregnancy, the birth, and the months leading to current! Speaking of...lets fast forward to the NOW!

So I am no longer working and staying home to raise all my children. I hated every experience I had with daycare and how it affected my kids! So I originally decided to do in-home care upon returning to work. But I have watched "someone else" raise the only other infant I had and all 3 of my other kids! I DISPISED that whole concept so I knew that no matter what this HAD to work! I want to raise the only child I've ever bared and birthed! I would have raised my adopted kids too but the option was not on the table, period! SO here we are, I am finally taking role of mother, sole person to raise my kids and let me tell you what I LOVE it and HATE it! Yes you hear me right! I love being there for my kids and over-seeing everything all day every day. Making sure they are on task regardless of the task and there to teach, correct. and enjoy! I love teaching my new little cheeks language and watching her achieve all her firsts and really cherish this infancy like I never got with L!

Now to the hate, I hate waking up to the job everyday and going to bed to it...sometimes even middle of the night I get awakened to my job. I hate that I have had less than a hand full of times to MYSELF for 30 minutes to an hour since giving Birth in December of 2016. (But I still feel like regardless of my exhaustion I want to be the one doing it) I MOST of all hate how much pressure I put on myself and my perception of pressure from my Honey and everyone else. It's like I have certain expectations of everyone to be this glorious super mom that I am SO NOT! I  bust my ass every day but I can't guarantee as to whether or not it shows. Meaning: is the house spotless, no... is the dinner made for Honey when he gets home, sometimes...is the laundry done, no...did the kids complete all their chores, sometimes...Did I call/text back everyone that day, probably not...Did I make everyone happy, Nope...Did I kill myself accomplishing what I did accomplish, YES!

So there you have it! I wake up to 5 kids asking/crying/needing fed and the day basically stays that way all day with the exception of "those beautiful moments." I have to set the baby down for 5-10 minutes to take a shower at the END of they day... so I normally get a nice hot shower to a screaming baby for 5-10 minutes, did I get to shave? Hell No! Then I get to repeat myself "98770774" times all day up to bed time for all the older kids. The "good nights" get drawn out way longer than they should just because the kids don't want to go to bed. I then get to feed and soothe a baby to sleep and pray to GOD I can set her down long enough for me to finish up getting ready for bed and or take an hour to enjoy the silence before my eyes shut involuntarily.

There you have it folks, nearly 3 years summed up in 6 paragraphs. Please do not misunderstand I realize life as it is now is only a phase and it will change, and despite the long days I will one day miss all of this.  For all of the good and bad; I am grateful for all the blessings of my children and the opportunity I have to do this now! One day I will want them small again and back to how it is... just as we all do when we become a parent. I remind myself of that when the going gets tough, so I try to just breathe through the hard times and get as many hugs, kisses and small great moments I can that I will never forget! With that being said, this is still going to be a blog about fitness (lord knows over 50 pounds lost of baby weight, I still need to get back to FIT) however, now it's going to be about mothering, and the ins and outs of my exciting new life that has changed forever: SAH-Motherhood, raising FIVE little people, and of course getting back to FIT ! Cheers, until next time!

-Meredith